Moles, You Are Gonna Die!

I am beginning a new stage in my mission to destroy the mole/vole population in our yard. They are waaaay outta hand at this point. The front is currently under assault, and that's the last straw. I've worked too hard creating a beautiful lawn to put up with this shit any more. I've spent mornings and evenings crushing tunnels out back. I mashed at least 30 feet of tunnels just this morning in the backyard where the little bastards have run wild for months. It's over. They are going down. In the recent past I've run a hose from my truck's exhaust pipe into tunnels to no avail. I have poured gas into them. I have flooded them with rushing torrents of water. I can't use bait out back for fear of harming my dogs and it's failed miserably out front.

After exhaustive research I have ordered this product: Mole trap Amazon

Read some of the first review of this product. The guy is hilarious. But more importantly, it appears this trap will get the job done. The reviewer has become a mole serial killer. I wanna be like him. I wanna be the John Wayne Gacy of mole killers. The Ted Bundy. The Henry Lee Lucas. If I fail to wipe out our clan, I will hire that guy.

It's on, folks. The moles are going down.

Stay tuned. I will report on the efficacy of this trap. The Ray Charles, Jose Felicianos, and Stevie Wonders of the undergound are doomed.