Regarding Alabama's loss to South Carolina Saturday...

I get over these things much quicker than I used to. I hate the Tide losing the game, but my disappointment doesn’t linger. Too many important things to worry about. Like:

• Determining just what is Amish about the potato salad I bought the other day. Says on the top: Amish Potato Salad. It's excellent...got pickles and celery in it...just as I like it. But WTF about it is Amish?! So far I've found no beard hairs in it...
  
• Getting my feet out from under the pedals on Shannon’s shrunken SUV. I got in to put her sunshade up and I thought I’d never get out. Between the steering wheel being set low and my thick-soled riding boots, I was temporarily trapped. I think that new Ryan Reynolds movie is based on an incident like this. I felt his pain.
  
• Escaping from a rampaging horde of fire ants. I had raked up a nice big pile of pine straw. As I was kneeling (easier on my back than bending) to put the straw in the wheelbarrow, I noticed the pile of straw was moving. Dismissing the possibility of a long-awaited chemically-induced flashback, I came to the conclusion that there were billions of ants in the straw. Jumping up I saw that my legs were covered in the little biting bastards. I rolled my shorts up and found ants as high as my knees. I was seconds away from yanking my pants off when I thought I had killed the last of the little boogers. Note: Crocs do not keep ants off your feet. Reeling from the attack, I decided to move the pile of straw. Yep, I had raked it onto one of those low-slung beds hidden in the grass. Sort of a ranch-style antbed….low and spread out, ya’ know?